‘Why Can’t I Hold His Hand?’ (2024)

Dana Moore likes to get on the road by 3:30 am. It takes roughly five hours to drive from Corpus Christi to Livingston, Texas, and he tries to beat the morning traffic. He watches dawn slowly break, and stops at the same Buc-ee’s convenience store halfway on his journey to grab coffee and gas. By 8:30 he hopes to have reached the Allan B. Polunsky Unit, a prison in Livingston, where he starts his day: ministering to men on Texas’ death row.

“I’ve been asked, ‘Why this ministry?’” he says. “In the Bible, Jesus equates visiting those in prison with visiting him… I felt the ministry placed in front of me was a call from God. And so I say, ‘yes I will do that.’ Who can say no to God?”

The 58-year-old Southern Baptist pastor became the spiritual advisor to John Ramirez, a 37-year-old death row prisoner, in 2017. Moore visits Ramirez around once a month; they sit and talk through a wall of plexiglass for two hours.

Ramirez was sentenced to death in 2008 for the 2004 murder of 46-year-old Corpus Christi convenience store clerk Pablo Castro. For years, Moore and Ramirez rarely talked about his looming execution.

Read more: The Death of the Death Penalty

But over the summer, their conversation turned towards death. Ramirez was scheduled to be executed Sept. 8. While prison officials said Moore would be allowed to stand in the execution chamber, he would not be able to touch Ramirez as he dies. On Aug. 10, his lawyer filed a federal lawsuit asking that Moore be allowed to do so. The state declined the request nine days later, adding that Moore would also not be allowed to audibly pray while in the room.

“That didn’t make sense to us,” Moore tells TIME. “The job of a minister is not to stand still and be quiet. Prayer is very important. And the power of touch is real. It’s encouraging. It brings peace. It’s significant… Why can’t I hold his hand?”

On Aug. 22, Ramirez’s lawyer filed an amended emergency petition asking that his execution be halted until Moore is allowed to touch and audibly pray over him. The request set off a legal battle that has rocketed up to the Supreme Court, which will hear oral arguments on the case Nov. 9. While the district and circuit court denied his request, the high court announced on Sept. 8 that it would stay his execution—scheduled for that very night—until it could more fully consider it.

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Ramirez’s attorney argues that the “vocalization of prayer” and the “laying on of hands” are significant aspects of the Baptist faith tradition and that, by rejecting Ramirez’s request, TDCJ violated both the First Amendment’s free exercise clause and the Religious Land Use and Institutionalized Persons Act (RLUIPA), which prohibits the government from imposing a “substantial burden” on religious exercise.

TDCJ responds that Ramirez’s request violates security protocol and was raised too late, and has suggested it was a tactic to delay his execution. (When asked for comment, the Texas Department of Criminal Justice responded that it “does not comment on pending litigation.”)

‘Why Can’t I Hold His Hand?’ (1)

The case, Ramirez v. Collier, is the first time the Supreme Court will hear the question of what role clergy can play in executions on its merits docket—meaning it is the first time the high court will issue a full opinion on the issue. Legal experts say that the ruling could provide more clarity for death penalty states on how to handle such requests going forward, and end a years-long string of litigation out of Texas and Alabama over what religious rights prisoners are granted as they are being put to death.

The ruling could potentially impact prisoners’ religious-accommodation claims more generally, adds Joshua C. McDaniel, the director of Harvard Law School’s Religious Freedom Clinic, which collaborated on a brief in support of Ramirez. Numerous organizations spanning the ideological spectrum, from the American Civil Liberties Union to the U.S Conference of Catholic Bishops, have also filed briefs urging the court to grant Ramirez’s request.

“On one level there’s a tremendous amount of support for expansive protections for religious practices, and then you meet, head on, the state’s need for security in its prisons,” says Ramirez’s lawyer Seth Kretzer. “Those two things are in great contrast. So we are where we are in front of the Supreme Court.”

Read more: In a Year Marked By Death, the Trump Administration Cements a Legacy of Unprecedented Executions

SCOTUS has waffled on the issue over the past few years in a series of cases on its “shadow docket,” a term that refers to expedited decisions outside of the court’s formal proceedings that skip many of the traditional steps, including oral arguments. In other words, while it has issued emergency rulings—and periodic concurrences—on these questions, the court has given limited insight into its thinking.

The first of these “shadow docket” cases came in Feb. 2019, when the high court voted 5-4 to allow the execution of a Muslim man in Alabama whose request to have his imam in the execution chamber was denied, even though the policy at the time allowed Christian chaplains into the room. Then, less than two months later, the court agreed to halt the execution of a Buddhist prisoner in Texas who sued TDCJ for preventing his priest from entering the chamber—despite allowing in state-paid Christian and Muslim chaplains.

Justice Brett Kavanaugh, who had voted to allow the Alabama execution to go forward, wrote a concurrence explaining his reasoning for halting the Texas execution, citing “several significant differences” between the cases, including when the Texas prisoner raised his claim. While a state may have understandable reasons for limiting who can go in the execution chamber, Kavanaugh wrote, it can’t allow certain denominations in and not others.

Read more: What Happens to the Federal Death Penalty in a Biden Administration?

Texas changed its policy shortly afterwards, banning clergy from entering the death chamber entirely. A Catholic prisoner challenged that policy up to the high court in June 2020; the Supreme Court halted his execution the next day. And in Feb. 2021, the court halted the execution of an Alabama man on similar grounds. Alabama relented, and the man was executed with his pastor in the room on Oct. 22.

In light of the court’s most recent ruling, Texas changed its policy again in April to allow clergy to enter the death chamber. So the high court will now address a slightly different question: What can Moore do while he’s there?

Michael McConnell, the director of the Constitutional Law Center at Stanford Law School, who collaborated on a brief with the Becket Fund for Religious Liberty and Harvard Law’s Religious Freedom Clinic in support of Ramirez, says the court may have taken up the case because “they want to put an end to this.”

‘Why Can’t I Hold His Hand?’ (2)

“They don’t want to have one or two of these coming along every year,” he explains. “And so if they announce a single clear precedential opinion, that will solve the problem.”

In their brief filed before the court, McConnell, Harvard and Becket argue that the “presence of clergy at executions—and their ability to pray aloud for and touch the condemned—is an ancient religious practice that our Constitution and laws protect from arbitrary government interference.” They cite examples of the practice being allowed in colonial England, the Revolutionary War and the Antebellum-era, among others.

“It is, I think, inconceivable that America in 2021 would decide to not protect a right that was so firmly protected 300 years ago,” McConnell argues.

Prisoners today on Texas’ death row are not allowed physical contact with anyone, besides their handcuffs coming on and off, Moore points out. In all the years they’ve known each other, he’s never touched Ramirez. “Jesus himself, his touch, it healed people,” says Moore. “There’s something empowering and encouraging in [that].” It’s important to both of them, Moore says, that his touch offers Ramirez some element of peace as he dies.

“John’s life has value,” Moore says. “He’s still a human. You still deserve the dignity of being created in the image of God.”

‘Why Can’t I Hold His Hand?’ (2024)

FAQs

Why does holding hands make me feel uncomfortable? ›

It could be that the relationship isn't right with the person you're holding hands with. The uncomfortable issue and irritation could be a sign that it's gone too far. If you're holding hands for a long time and this is happening regularly it could be that you're both becoming too codependent on each other.

Why does he never hold my hand? ›

He doesn't want you to reject him

You might be surprised to hear that what holding hands means to a guy might be the fear of rejection. Many men are usually scared of getting rejected, but they don't like showing it.

What does it mean when your partner doesn t want to hold your hand? ›

One very likely reason that your boyfriend hasn't been holding your hand is that he is afraid of rejection. Reassure him that you like him and that you would never reject him if he tried to hold hands with you. Let him know that you care about him so that he has more confidence to hold your hand more in the future.

Why does he hold my hand so tight? ›

It means he wants to share his life with you, forever. It means he will always hold your hand, no matter what. It means he is ready to share his heart with you, if you're willing to open yours and let him in. It means he likes you.

Is PDA a red flag? ›

PDA is a sign of insecurity: Some people assume that couples who engage in PDA are trying to prove something to others or show off their relationship. While this may be true in some cases, it's not always the case.

Why do I have trouble with PDA? ›

However, not everyone likes the attention or the risk of PDA. Some people are more introverted or shy, and they prefer to keep their private life private. They may feel embarrassed or violated by being exposed to other people's eyes or judgments.

How many dates before holding hands? ›

If you have a significant other, you know that there comes a time when you feel the urge to hold their hand. This is normal. It's okay to show affection and love to your significant other. Typically, couples start holding hands on the third day of "going out" at the earliest.

How do you know when to hold a guy's hand? ›

But if they have been walking close to you and seem comfortable, this is a good signal for initiating hand-holding. If your date has found little ways to initiate gentle physical contact, like playfully pushing you or grabbing your arm, they are more than likely open to holding hands.

How does a guy feel when a girl holds his hand? ›

What does holding hands mean to a man? Well, if someone you've just started dating is holding your hand with your fingers interlocked, it definitely means they feel good with you and want to establish some sort of physical contact to convey that. If it's a guy you've had your eyes on for a while, it's good news.

How important is holding hands in a relationship? ›

A: Holding hands exerts striking effects on our emotional state, especially when it's with a romantic partner: It can help lower blood pressure, reduce pain and buffer stressful experiences.

Why won t my wife hold my hand? ›

“She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective.” If your wife won't touch you, maybe something has changed. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like she's failing at this parenting thing.

What does it mean when a guy squeezes your hand tightly? ›

It's more like a strong communication of some intense feelings and reassurance of safety. More like, "I got you! Don't worry." But, if this hand-holding becomes firmer and your partner squeezes your hand more than the usual, it only means they want to be a dominant one and take control.

Why doesn't he want to hold hands? ›

He doesn't like PDA

They might think that holding hands, putting their arms around someone, or kissing a girl in public is cheesy or embarrassing. He might just want to do it in private. Just because you're comfortable with showing your feelings to the whole world doesn't mean he is.

What does it mean when a girl squeezes your hand three times? ›

She'd take our hands and give them three gentle squeezes to say “I love you,” and then we'd give her four squeezes back, signaling “I love you, too.” Fast forward to becoming a parent myself and these three and four squeezes are now a “secret language” that we share with our own girls.

Why does physical touch make me uncomfortable? ›

Sensory issues: Touch can feel overwhelming or unpleasant due to neurological differences. Personal boundaries: Strong preference for personal space and autonomy. Mental health conditions: Anxiety, depression, or PTSD can impact how you respond to touch.

How do you make holding hands not awkward? ›

When you grab their hand, reach across their hand to where your palms are centered, making an X with your hands. Gently close your hand, wrapping your fingers and thumb around the edges of your date's hand. For the more intimate moment, consider gently rubbing your thumb across the back of their hand.

Are you supposed to feel something when holding hands? ›

From lowered heart rates to a feeling of security, handholding is more than just something fun to do. There are few greater feelings than strolling with a loved one, hand-in-hand. You could be walking in the busiest of towns or through the loudest of scenes, but the rosy-colored filter of love is a powerful one.

Why do I feel discomfort in my hands? ›

Hand pain can happen for many reasons. An injury or disease of the muscles, nerves, or tendons in your hand can cause pain. Arthritis, tendonitis, and carpal tunnel syndrome are common causes of hand pain. Hand pain can often be cured or the symptoms can be managed with treatment.

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